Behind The Rainbow: The silent epidemic of same-sex violence

This article contains graphic descriptions of physical and sexual assault.

Conversations around sexual and physical violence have become mainstream in recent years, bringing with it positive change like ‘Claire’s Law’, the ‘#MeToo’ Movement and the world-leading Domestic Abuse (Scotland) Act 2018.

" I remember thinking that he was going to kill me. I was fearing for my life."

But for many gay men, their experiences of abuse remain underreported, unsupported and poorly understood.

According to SurvivorsUK, a charity specialising in supporting male victims of sexual crimes, 45% of gay and bisexual men have experienced a sexual assault and according to Galop, an LGBT+ anti-abuse charity, just 3% of LGBT+ adults were able to access specialist advocacy support services after an incident of abuse.

For 'Nathan' (not his real name), a Scottish University student, an incident in June 2025 left him fearing for his life.

“I remember thinking in that moment that he was going to kill me,” he said.

'Nathan', 20, was sexually assaulted by a man he met on the app Grindr. (Credit: Adobe Stock)

'Nathan', 20, was sexually assaulted after meeting an older man from the online gay dating app, Grindr. When they first began to talk, he thought the man was “understanding.”

Describing the original conversation, he said: “It fluctuated between flirty and seemingly quite nice.

“When I conveyed to him what my boundaries were, he was understanding, or so it seemed.”

The man travelled by car from Ayrshire to 'Nathan's' home in Central Scotland to spend time with him.  

“He told me he wanted to visit Edinburgh with me as he hadn’t been there since he was young”.

'Nathan' was reluctant to travel to Edinburgh but agreed as the man said he would take him home afterwards.  After arriving, the man told him that he was “too tired” to drive him home and that they should get a hotel together instead. Describing his emotions in this moment, he said: “I was annoyed but then it translated into a sense of fear. I remember worrying that he was going to hurt me.

“The hotel he was looking at was in East Lothian; it was even further afield. I told him no, but he booked it anyway and started driving”.

After arriving at the hotel, he witnessed the man’s behaviour change.

“I sat on the edge of the bed; he was in his underwear and a t-shirt. He looked at me and had a glint in his eye. It was terrifying”.

Describing what happened next, he said: “He tried to undress me and make moves on me, I kept saying ‘I told you that I didn’t want this’ but it was like he had an exact idea in his head of what he wanted to do and how he wanted to do it.

“The minute we got into that room I felt like I was looking at a different person. I had a feeling that I had never experienced before. I remember having a tight feeling in my chest; like it was caving in on me. I felt my body going numb.”

After countless times of asking, the man finally stopped. But shockingly, he then revealed that he had equipment with him to explore abandoned buildings and they should do that instead.

“I remember thinking in that moment that he was going to kill me. I was fearing for my life”.

Eventually, Nathan fell asleep, however, his nightmare continued the following morning.

“He woke up and tried to make more advances on me. I ran into the bathroom and screamed for him to take me home, I remember thinking ‘what the f*** is going on’”.

Eventually, the man took him home, but after arriving, the man tried to kiss him once again.

“I put my arm out and said no. He complained that I hadn’t given him anything. I got out of his car, slammed the door and ran towards my house”.

After he was safely back home, 'Nathan' struggled to come to terms with the events that had unfolded. Recalling how he felt after the assault, he said: “I felt dirty. I felt like my boundaries were violated and I was scared.

“It broke my sense of trust and made me afraid to navigate through dating in the months that followed.”

According to the Scottish Government, Police Scotland recorded 14,892 sexual crimes in 24-25, the highest recorded since 1971. Of these crimes, approximately 14% had a male victim.

'Nathan' said reached out to a helpline who were “incredibly supportive” in the days after the assault.

A year later, he feels like he is heading in the right direction and is ready to start dating again.

“I feel better and over the last year I have worked on myself to regain the confidence that the situation took away from me,” he said.

“It was a day of my life that I will never get back, but it was a day of my life that I have learned from”.

According to Grindr’s official website, it claims to be “the world’s largest” dating app targeted towards gay men, but since its creation in 2009, it has proved to be increasingly controversial and arguably dangerous.

In November 2016, Stephen John Port was sentenced to life imprisonment for the murders of four men whom he had met on Grindr, alongside multiple rapes and sexual assaults of several others.

Port, 51, was found to have lied on his online profile to make himself appear respectable, claiming he had graduated from the University of Oxford and served in the Royal Navy.  The four men murdered by Port, Anthony Walgate, Gabriel Kovari, Daniel Whitworth and Jack Taylor, were aged between 21 and 25.

In 2021, an inquest found that there were “fundamental failings” in the initial investigation of the murders by the Metropolitan Police.

Eight years after Port was convicted, in 2024, five gang members from Birmingham were jailed after they were found to have targeted Grindr users in a series of robberies, during which they lured victims into desolate locations, held them capitative and forced them to transfer large sums of money from their bank accounts. Many victims required hospital treatment for injuries sustained during the attacks.

Sandra Bendall, an Independent Domestic Abuse Advocate with Sacro, specialises in supporting gay men and has warned of a rise in attacks on gay men, originating from apps similar to and including Grindr.

“It is becoming more common,” she said.

“We are getting more men coming to us who are victims of sexual crimes than domestic abuse”.

Bendall, 57, served as a Sexual Offence Liaison Police Officer in her hometown of Falkirk for more than 30 years. During her time serving in the now disbanded Central Scotland Police Force, she specialised in interviewing victims of serious sexual crimes.

Sandra Bendall, an IDAA with speciality in same-sex violence. (Contributed)

Describing the challenges that men can face when reporting an incident of abuse, she said: “Coming forward is difficult for men. They often know something is wrong, but they can’t call it domestic abuse because it is not in their psyche to think they could be a victim of that.

‘Culturally, that is how men are seen.”

Bendall also warned of the increased length of time that a male victim of abuse may take before reporting the incident, if at all. She said: “It takes men a lot longer to realise that something is not right and reach out for help.

“For a female victim, there is usually 12 incidents before they will lift the phone for help; with a male victim, multiply that by 10.”

Recent Scottish Government figures show that male victims accounted for 17% of domestic abuse cases recorded by Police Scotland in 2024-25, representing more than 10,000 incidents and highlighting that abuse against men remains a significant issue across Scotland. Furthermore, according to SurvivorsUK, only 4% of men who experience sexual assault report the incident to the police.

“We are getting more men coming to us who are victims of sexual crimes than domestic abuse. I received a statistic last year from a DCI in the Glasgow region which stated there had been a 20% increase in sexual crimes committed against men”.

"We are getting more men coming to us who are victims of sexual crimes."

We Are Survivors, a male specialised abuse charity, estimate that around 11 men per hour are affected by sexual violence in the UK, while Scottish Government figures show that 21% of reported sexual crimes in Scotland during 2023-24 had a male victim.

Describing how the victims that she works with feel after experiencing abuse, Bendall said: “They feel violated, but particularly when it is young men who have been attacked, they will talk about the physical violence they experienced however they will struggle to talk about the sexual violence they have also experienced.”

She also warned of the rapid rise and normalisation of violence during sex, such as Non-Fatal Strangulation (NFS) which is increasingly featured in online pornography.

“Sexual strangulation is huge,” she said.

“When I first began to specialise in interviewing victims, that kind of strangulation was rare. Now it is much more common, and it is coming from pornography.

“It seems to be the ‘tick in the box’ that everybody wants to try. It is extremely dangerous; it can tear vocal cords or break a windpipe.”

An academic study conducted by Prof. Hannah Bows in 2023 analysed 4,009 scenes from major free pornography websites and found that physical aggression appeared in approximately 40% of scenes, with choking among the most common acts witnessed.

Furthermore, according to the University of the West of England, more than half of under-35s in the UK have experienced choking during sexual intercourse, with researchers linking the rise in reported cases to depictions of strangulation found in pornography.

Bendall also issued a plea to the Scottish Government. She said: “They must realise it is not just women who are victimised. They need to be more open-minded and realise it is people who are victimised.

“Everyone has a right to feel safe and thrive. We need to fund our support services fairly and in accordance with the needs of our communities. The government needs to recognise the work that we do needs to be funded to the same level as organisations like WomensAid.”

A spokesperson for Police Scotland said: “Abuse can affect anyone, no matter their gender identity or sexual orientation. Domestic abuse within LGBTQI+ relationships can include threatening to reveal your sexuality or gender identity.

“Police Scotland is here to help. We listen, we do not judge and we support all survivors. If you are ready to speak to police, call 101, use our online form or visit a police station. In an emergency, dial 999.”

A Scottish Government spokesperson was unable for comment.

Grindr did not reply to a request for comment.